I have moved my mom to a private facility. It was only intended to be during a respite period but they say she is doing so extremely well there - interacting, participating in the activities, eating and sleeping well - but most importantly NO aggression - something I was having trouble with at home with the caregivers. She is asking for me but so far easily redirected. They strongly encouraged that I leave her there. With all the positives and it is really a very nice place - so why can’t I stop crying - this is what I wanted.
Then the NP had the audacity to recommend that I place Dad in a private care facility owned (?) or run (?) by a friend!
By the time I left in the evening, a winter storm had moved in, and there was at least 7" of snow on the ground, continually increasing. I cleaned the car 3 - 4 times before I figured out a way to keep up with the heavy snow. Then I drove the 50 +/- miles home slowly, and literally collapsed and cried once I got home. I think it was the relief of knowing that Dad had finally been admitted and the attending was a very concerned physician.
And while this is just guesswork (although there may be some documented evidence someplace), our bodies have their own release valves, crying being one of them.
This is an interesting article on why humans cry:
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631
I personally you're relieved that you've found a place where your mother can be comfortable and adapt well. Congratulations to you for your efforts and perseverance!
I, too, figured that the body need(s)(ed) a release and crying is the way it is happening. I'll check out this article on the why - humans cry.
Thank you.
Gena / Touch Matters
I will remember you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. Sending many hugs your way. Take care.
As soon as she’s comfortable, you’ll find that you can relax into a new and perhaps even more rewarding relationship with her, that may have been available to either of you as her needs recently increased.
Relax, get out to places you enjoy, stay in touch with her care staff.
You’ve lovingly made the best decision for you AND for her. Be at peace with it.
Sudden relief from intense stress
Separation from your mother
Strange new territory
Apprehension about what happens next
How long since the decision to let her stay in the facility? It sounds as if it can't have been very long at all.
Cry if you need too. As far as asking why? Oh my goodness, it’s emotional. I cried when I saw my mom in the hospice house. I didn’t cry in front of her. As soon as I got in the car to go home, I cried.
It was the very best place for mom to be, still I cried, just like you are. I am happy that mom died peacefully. Mom adjusted well to being there. Still, for me, it was knowing that this was the end, accepting that this was the very last place that my mom would be. I suppose that I was beginning the grieving process.
Oh man, all of it is so emotional. I understand how you feel. I am crying now too, remembering everything. Well, it hasn’t been that long since mom died. She died at the end of April.
When mom went to hospice she was relieved. I had her in my home for 15 years. My brother had her in his home for 14 months. It was hard. It’s exhausting.
Mom hated feeling like she was a burden on us.
I can tell you that my mom received excellent care in her hospice house.
I am glad that your mom is being well cared for. You may be crying now, but trust me, you will be so glad that your mom has a professional staff caring for her. It will be a welcome relief.
I did feel at peace knowing that mom was in good hands. I was always a wreck towards the end of caring for her, dealing with falls, the ER visits and so on. Caregiving only gets harder as it goes on. It never gets any easier. Having hospice at the end of her life was such a blessing.
I wish you peace. I wish the very best for your mom. Take care.
Get a good night's sleep.
This is a big change. For your mom and for you. I remember dropping my mom off at the nursing home for the first time. I felt like I was dropping my child off at kindergarten.
Be glad she is adapting. It may not last you know. Enjoy this time when you can relax and know she is being looked after. In the future she will ask for you and not be so easily redirected.
You are feeling left behind. It's natural. Have a good cry! It soothes the soul.