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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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I thought about elephants (as a possible exception) when I typed my post. That's a good question about the males - is it sort of a hit and run situation? I'm not sure the younger generation are caring for the elder moms and aunts - it's more that all generations of females together are taking care of the babies. I'm not sure anyone stays behind with elders if they can't keep up with the herd, and the herds move constantly in search of water and greenery. I know they mourn their dead, but sticking around to care for elderly or disabled - I'm not sure about that but I doubt it.
It all depends on the parents Some parents were not all that great to their children, forcing their kids to establish boundaries to guard their hearts and feelings, and other parents (like mine), were incredible parents, who gave us unconditional love and respect, and it was a pleasure to serve them and spend time with them, as we became adults, they became our peers, with us all continuing to want to see that all of their needs were met, because we Loved them so very much, they were deserving of our devotion. One must look into your own heart to determine what kind of parent you are, and are you deserving of their Love and respect.
Raising children is hard. Each generation needs to be able to focus on this difficult task, or the species would die out! I think that is part of the evolutionary process. Each generation is responsible for the next. Humans have a long period of dependence!
That seldom means (in humans) that there is no contact or warm feelings or continued caring both ways. Certainly not all children consider their parents a nuisance. During their own child-rearing years (a couple of decades or more if they have several children) they may consider attention to a parent more than they have energy for.
Look at the many, many members here who are caring for an elderly parent with love, with patience (more or less), and with sacrifice. They may be frustrated but they aren't ignoring their parent.
And there are also plenty of individual cases where the relationship is toxic.
It depends on whose eyes are regarding the situation. To an outsider, it may appear as you describe. But to the grown child who actually knows the situation, going low contact or no contact may be a necessary action to protect oneself from a toxic on-going relationship.
My therapist recommended (or rather strongly advised) to not see my mother. Ten years later, after not speaking to her (and she hardly noticed), she came to me for a place to stay.
Sometimes you reap what you sew. My parents once hopped in the car at night and drove an hour to support my sis when her firstborn had the croup and she was worried and stressed. On the other hand her inlaws often visited another relative who lives on the same street and never came over to see their grandkids.
It's the natural order of things, I think. Children grow up, start their own lives, create their own families, focus their energy on the next generation, and the next. Is there any species in which the grown children stay behind to devote themselves to the generation before them? I don't know of any.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
That seldom means (in humans) that there is no contact or warm feelings or continued caring both ways. Certainly not all children consider their parents a nuisance. During their own child-rearing years (a couple of decades or more if they have several children) they may consider attention to a parent more than they have energy for.
Look at the many, many members here who are caring for an elderly parent with love, with patience (more or less), and with sacrifice. They may be frustrated but they aren't ignoring their parent.
And there are also plenty of individual cases where the relationship is toxic.
Ten years later, after not speaking to her (and she hardly noticed), she came to me for a place to stay.