My mother in law has been sleeping on the couch in our tiny home for over two years. She blew through all her money apparently and has a drinking problem. She has over 200 thousand in an IRA account and she refuses to apply for her deceased husbands or hers benefits for social security
She doesn’t do anything to help with rent or cleaning or helping with kids. My partner thinks she is broke when she is not
She is 64 and is ruining my life. She has the money to pay $750 in storage fees every month but not get at least own apartment. I am so confused. She gets wasted and has gotten so drunk she had to have the ambulance come twice. She is passive aggressive and rude and spits on my floor and makes everything dirty she watches and eavesdropping on everything. She knows my partner and I fight due to the stress of her being there but she doesn’t care. Is this normal? How can I make my partner understand that his mom is okay to be on her own and she is actually not broke?
I didn’t get a choice.
its insane
The smell is oddly similar too...
(Actually reading your post again this is not your legal husband (unless where you live recognizes common law marriage))
You can begin packing up your things and look for a place of your own. (Or a friend you can stay with for a while.)
If you have children together talk to a lawyer first about support for them. If the kids are your partners then they become his full responsibility.
Pick a move out date and move. Let them live together for a while and see how that goes.
You should not have to put up with disrespectful behavior from her.
If you want to continue a relationship with your partner you can start again by getting to know each other, date and let your feelings be known.
If it is your property, ask them to move and if necessary resort to legal action. It is not worth fighting for a relationship where one person is willing to destroy your mental, physical and financial health, you need to put your kids and yourself first. Good luck!
Next, you have chosen to post on an aging/caregiving related forum. Does this mean you suspect that MIL may have a cognitive impairment? From the info you provided, it sounds like her non-sensical decisions on every front may indicate she may have something more going on, like Alzheimers. I have a 68-yr old cousin who was recently diagnosed. She marrried a dopey guy 20-years her junior, and made all sorts or weird decisions about selling her home, moving, then moving back. It made no sense...until she started getting lost driving to places she was very familiar with, and not taking herr thyroid meds correctly, and it finally got so bad they had to trick her into going to a doctor (about her thyroid) but then asked for a cognitive exam, which lead to further exams and the final ALZ diagnosis.
Your MIL is not too young to perhaps have this problem -- especially if she wasn't like this until recently. If you think this may be at play, then you and your partner need to discuss what your plan going forward will be. But if I were in your shoes, I'd get her in for an exam before kicking her out. That's just me...other responders may disagree but it would be cruel to kick out someone who is no longer medically capable of acting in their own best interests. I wish you much clarity, unity and wisdom as you sort through this.
$750 x 24 months = $18k. Lot of money. Would have gone to offset the cost of a nice apartment. How do you know she has an IRA for 200k? If so, no need for her to live with you. She is going to need to start using that IRA. By 71 1/2 she is going to need to start withdrawing at least the taxes due.
I think you and ur partner need to get away from the house to talk this out. Tell him she has money if she is able to pay for a storage unit. Also, giving money to charity. Tell him how you know she has this IRA. Tell him at 64 she can apply for SS. Explain that her sleeping on the couch cannot go on. Tell him at 64 she can have a job. She is not elderly.
Do you clean up after her? Maybe you shouldn't. Show him the bottles that she can afford to buy. Tell him this just is not working and will never work.
Next time you have to call 911 on her, Let them take her to the hospital. Speak to a social worker (or anyone who will listen!) and tell them she is not safe in your home and needs placement in a facility. You are in no way responsible— legally or morally— to house her. They will argue and try to convince you to take her back home. Do not give an inch!
Your kids aren’t safe with her either. And it has to be stressful on them to have this insane drunk woman in the house.
If your partner takes her home anyway, then it’s time to go elsewhere with your kids. I realize this is easier said than done. Let him take care of ol’ mama and the house alone for awhile.
He has to make a choice. Mama or his own family. If he chooses Mama, you’re better off without him.
She's doing this because she CAN and nobody's telling her she CAN'T.
And somebody had better tell her she's got to get out before her $200K in retirement savings is down to $20K in retirement savings and she really IS broke, the way things are going right now. No joke.
It's time for your partner to grow a spine and tell mama it's time to get OFF the couch and on with her own life, elsewhere, and out of your home.
Leave as soon as you can. Seek counseling to learn how to make better choices in mates.
None of this makes sense to me. In fact it sounds too horrible to be true. Have you tried to get help for yourself? Or for the kids who get a mention in passing? If not, why not?
I am looking into other options for me and the kids
thank you for your response. I appreciate you and all the answers I have gotten. I started to think I was in the wrong or was being unreasonable because it is his mom
her money, so he’ll have the $200,000 for his inheritance.
he doesn’t see this or does not want to
Oh, and if your partner is not your married spouse, then she's not your MIL, and I'm not surprised why he chooses her over you. You're way down the totem pole of priorities if you two haven't ever gotten married.