My husband and I have been invited to our son's in-law's 50th wedding anniversary party about 550 miles away. It is also a chance to see our son and family who we haven't seen in a year. My dilemma is my mom was just put on hospice today. She is 95 years old and lives in a memory care facility. She fell and broke her hip 2 months ago and has really gone down hill since. If she should pass while I'm gone, I don't know if I could forgive myself for not being there. She is at the point where conversation is gibberish and she sleeps a lot. Am I being selfish if I go on this trip? It would be in 2 weeks.
Em planned and paid for a cruise for her family (three state rooms) for her 50th wedding anniversary. It was a joyous occasion. She told the nursing home that if her mother died while she was on the cruise that she wanted her "put on ice" and she would make arrangements upon her return.
She went on the cruise, her mother lived for another three years, cheating death five or six times along the way, and Em still talks about that cruise with her family.
Life is for the living. That has always been Em's perspective. Sadly, Em's husband died suddenly a few months after the cruise. Em recently downsized into a new house and is planning bilateral knee replacement because she plans on living each day to its fullest.
In two weeks you will know more about your Mom's condition to help you gauge what would be your choice, to stay or to go.
Anniversaries are a great milestone, but if you missed it would you feel guilty? You would be able to forgive yourself. Could someone set up a Skype so you could feel like you are part of party without being there? Why I say this, would you be able to enjoy yourself being away or would your mind be overwhelmed worrying about Mom, and double checking your cellphone every few minutes?
For the past 2 years outside of working, my job has been to be close by "in case" something happens, with my dad falling & breaking his hip in January & being in facilities since I really felt my life would be on hold, not complaining, just saying:). I ended up doing weekend trips every weekend from the last in April through May and everyone was fine! I'm so glad I went because each trip I NEEDED since I've been so focused on being a caregiver. Life is for living, go visit with your family & enjoy it.
We had my mother's funeral prepaid. Hoping you do too so in the event something happens that is taken care of.
Who's to say you are going to be there when she passes even if you stay home?
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