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I feel defeated nothing I say works, what now? My grandma is stubborn and thinks that she knows what is best for my grandpa when it comes to his insulin dosage - she makes up numbers that are not even on the chart given by the doctor. Her and 1 of my uncles continue to feed my grandpa fried chicken, fried fish, bbq ribs, french fries, pizza and so forth. I provide detail info on the best foods and worst foods for diabetic but.....my grandma and 1 of my uncles thinks he can have whatever he wants. When his blood sugar is high - they think that it is good because they rather have it high than too low. I provided them info on why high blood sugar is not good but it goes in one ear and out the other. My grandma herself is not well - she has a brain tumor and doesn't want to get it removed because she thinks it won't solve anything, she has gastritis and won't give up soda or coffee, she doesn't take her meds daily like she is supposed to and there is nothing I can do to make her take them because again, she knows best and she thinks the doctors are stupid. My anxiety and stress over the fights I have with my grandma about following doctors orders is causing me to fall in a depression because I feel defeated. I'm at a lost, does anyone have any helpful advice or have experienced the same type of situation?

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tkacsti, we all reach our breaking points and lash out to whomever is nearby, even if it is to strangers on the forum. Welcome to the club.

Of course your Grandmother isn't going to move to an Assistant Living facility because she has YOU are doing the work, so why should she move. You are living there 24/7 so Grandma thinks everything is fine and dandy. Sometimes you need tough love with elders. I give you a lot of credit for replacing your Mom when your Mom could no longer cope with the Caregiving [per your profile].

Move in with your Mom for a couple of weeks, even if it means sleeping on the sofa, and go over to your grandparents only if an emergency pops up. Have that Uncle look in on them. Then and only then maybe Grandma will realize she actually does need more help.... tell her she has two choices: being on her own, or moving into Assistant Living.... and build up the positives. This may or may not work, keep on that sofa for the time being.
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My apologies for my outburst earlier - I'm going on 2 years living with my grandparents and the 1st year was a breeze but with the development of ulcers on my grandpas foot has made this year very stressful for me - being the fact that amputation is a possibility and my grandparent's house is extremely small and not suitable if we had to go down that road. Assisted living is out of the question because my grandma refuses to leave her house - she wont even consider moving in with my mother who has offered numerous times. You are right - I'm killing myself, making myself sick and falling into a depression because I haven't been able to accept the fact that my grandma will change her ways. I find myself becoming bitter and very resentful towards my grandma because I'm feeling like she is contributing to my grandpas illnesses not healing properly. My grandma decides when my grandpa gets a pain pill because she says that the pain is all in his head and he really doesn't have pain - that just drives me nuts. I feel like I'm rambling now so I will stop - I do seek counseling to help with the stress and anxiety that I have as well as how to let go of the resentment I'm feeling. Thank you all for the feedback and again I apologize for being ugly with my last response - I reacted inappropriately.
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tkcasti, my parents eat a lot of sweets, so many it makes my teeth hurt to even think about it.... my parents are in their 90's so I wouldn't think about changing their diet to eliminate sweets. Knock on wood, no diabetes problems, yet.

Your grandfather has reached 89 eating all the wrong foods. And with your grandmother being 81 [from your profile], she isn't going to change her cooking habits. She's probably from the same way of thinking as my Mom that *a little bit won't hurt*.
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Tk, many of us have dealt with/are dealing with non-compliant loved ones. And there comes a point where we all finally accept that no matter what we say or do, their heels are dug in and they will not change their actions (or inactions). You're making yourself sick, and everyone is still eating and drinking rubbish and not taking meds. I think the advice you're hoping for is how to convince them to take care of themselves - sadly, I don't think there is any. I went many rounds with my mom about walking without her walker, standing with no support etc. My husband advised me to back off as I was getting headaches and she kept on doing it. One day she fell and hit her head, went from AL to NH. One would think my admonitions, now supported by a nasty fall, would cause her to be prudent. Last Christmas, she decided to "borrow" my FIL's walker (she's no longer able to use a walker) and fell on the tile floor. By the grace of God, my son caught her as her head was 2" from the floor. It stinks but sometimes you just have to admit it's out of your hands.
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@pamstegman - "Let them do whatever they want"??????? How dare you come at me as if I don't know the extent of my grandpa's illnesses. My grandpa has early alzheimer's disease so he is not capable of making decisions on his own. I am following the doctors instructions on how to treat his medical conditions, diabetes, foot ulcers, high blood pressure, and so on and so on. My grandpas blood sugar typically is over 200 easily when I'm not around because of the type of foods my grandmother and uncle give him and you tell me to let them continue because he's still alive???? Because of the ulcers he's developed from NOT being cared for properly by my grandmother, he's had appointments almost everyday for nearly 2 months........I'm sorry that i wasn't descriptive enough to provide to you all the information about my particular situation that I am dealing with but I came here for advice and support, NOT to hear condescending opinions. Your remarks appear to be judgmental as if you are my grandpas doctor and you know best - I feel like your remark is something similar to what my grandmother gives me. I'm struggling with watching family members not administer the appropriate medication to my grandfather yet you show no sympathy. Thank you for reminding me that how cold and heartless some of the people in our world can be.
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pamstegman, all Type 1 diabetics need to take insulin. SOME type 2 diabetics also take insulin. I do, for example. My endocrinologist thinks that my body is still producing some insulin, but not enough to meet the need. So after years of working with oral drugs he switched me to insulin. I believe that is a very common pattern.

The Joslin Diabetes Center website is a good place to learn more about Type 2 and insulin.

According to Nobelprize, one third of people who have type 2 take insulin.
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Wait a minute. Type 2 diabetes means they don't take insulin. If they made it to old age, they must be doing something right. So, let them do whatever they want and ignore the complaints and maladies. Very often reports of diabetes, brain tumors and so on are simply confabulations to get attention.
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You feel defeated but it isn't even your battle. Feeling sad makes sense--it is awful to watch loved ones do self-destructive things. You have done what you reasonably could. Let it go. Love them with all their imperfections.
This is Not Your Circus; Not Your Monkeys.
(I agree with Linda's response but can't like it from my iPhone.)
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Let it go. You've tried your hardest, you've given them information and they're making their choices. I know it's difficult to see loved ones not taking proper care of themselves, but you can't make them change. Love them, visit them, take care of yourself.
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