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My mom is on a strict 2000 Cal. ADA diet. In my opinion, she should finish her dinner, and if she doesn't, then no dessert. I spent 2 hours on this meal. I told her no, now she wants to leave and go home where she will not be forced to eat. This is a new attitude, and I want to address it in a reasonable fashion. Any thoughts?

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She's 97 not 3, what are you trying to accomplish by keeping her on a strict diet? Have YOU never had a day when dinner didn't appeal but comfort food did?
I can pretty much guarantee that the last thing you will be thinking as she lays dying is "dang, I wish I hadn't let her have that fudge bar" .
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AlvaDeer Jun 2020
Yeah, and if I was Mom I WOULD be laying there thinking "I wish I could have just ONE MORE Fudge Bar. I love the dang things!
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If I live to be 97 my kids better not be keeping me away from my favorite cheesecake.

97--shoot, if she wants to eat fudge bars for MEALS I'd let her.
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earlybird Jul 2020
You are absolutely right, Midkid. My mother will definately have her chocolate bars. I like cheesecake too, and so does my mom. Yum! Appreciate your advice. Sleep tight and have a good night.
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I think that you are treating your mother as some people treat their children. "Eat your dinner or no dessert?" "Eat your dinner or go to bed." "Eat everything on your plate or sit there all night" "There are starving children in China who......." Why does it matter how long you took to make the dinner if your mother just simply does not like it? Why must she like your cooking because it took you 2 hours to make it? I think that there are enough losses for our elders. Loss of ability to ambulate without fear, loss of bowel and bladder control, loss of mind. Why must there be a loss of dignity to even decide what they do or do not like to eat, and when? I understand, really. You spent the two hours and you thought it was great, and you are disappointed. But I know you. You are better than this. Give Mom the Fudge bar, and think on the good side. You have a ton of leftovers of that wonderful meal.
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earlybird Jun 2020
AlvaDeer, oh she likes it, it is one of her favorite meals. She usually gets her fudge bars after her meals, but it seems to be a pattern now. She is a diabetic. She does like my cooking and if she does not like what I made which is unusual, I will make her something else, but this was not the case. She wants her dessert before her meal. I decided to give her a fudge bar, and she thanks everyone.
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My mom is 88, dementia. She can have all the diet coke and chocolate she wants. At this point if it makes her happy I say let her have it. She is not on any special diets though🍩🍫🍬🍦
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earlybird Jul 2020
Hell SoVeryExhausted,
Agreed, Mom is going to have a ball! Thanks so much.
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I really tried to get my husband to eat better, watch his weight when it would drop etc. Now that he's gone, I'm glad he indulged in 1/4# hotdogs at Costco, Klondyke bars and chicken fried steak.
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earlybird Jun 2020
Thanks, Linda. I am going to let up a bit and give my mom some treats she loves. She is so thankful you all were in her corner, me too. Great to see her smile while licking her fudge bar with her face and hands all full of chocolate.
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I have no doubt that you have THE best intentions with your mom. You go above & beyond the call of duty where her care is concerned. Now here's the but: she's 97 years old and as such, should not be forced to follow a strict diet of ANY kind (in my opinion). At her age, if all she wants to eat is sweet, then let her. When our kids were little, we made them eat their vegetables before they could have dessert b/c they were growing and needed to develop healthy eating habits which would last for life. With the elderly, that's not the case. Their lives are pretty much finished. So why impose unnecessary restrictions on them at THIS point in time? To extend their lives by a month or two, if even that?

Leave her alone, that's my suggestion. In fact, I just sent my mother a big box of See's candies in the mail, they're her favorites. Who cares if she eats the whole box in 3 days? Those chocolates will make her happy and that's something that's in short supply for her these days. I personally feel that our goal should be to keep our mothers happy nowadays, nothing else. Yes, safe too........but happy first & foremost.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward, my friend. And bravo to you for your huge heart.
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earlybird Jul 2020
Always get such a good and honest reply from lealonnie. Thanks! You are so right. I appreciate your directness. It is hard for me because my mom is a diabetic, but age and all, let her be happy, right? Understand completely. Hugs to you!
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Update to all:
My mothers lunch today:
Fudge bar 100% before lunch
Pureed manicotti with marinara sauce 2 large pieces. Ate half portion
Chocolate avocado and banana pudding with dollop whip cream 100%
after her lunch.
Comment from my mother
The dinner was soooo good! Yay!!
Still talking about her lunch, said she loved it.
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MumsHelper Jul 2020
Awesome!!
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First thing I noticed was a 2000 cal diet for a 97 year old. I have been counting calories since I was a teen. At 70 I eat 1500 a day. Anymore than that and I gain weight. 2000 cal a day is for a young active woman not a 97 yr old. Then you said this was established 30 yrs ago. In my opinion a 97 yr old does not need 2000 cal a day. I understand about the diabetes, just watch her carb and sugar intake. I would ask her doctor about 2000 cal. I think she may do OK in under 1500 but more than 1000/1200 but her Dr. can tell u better.

Be aware that as we age we lose our ability to taste especially those with a Dementia. Salt and Sugar seems to be what the elderly can still taste. Its instant gradification. Let her have her treat. She is 97 not much she probably enjoys at this age.
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earlybird Jul 2020
Thanks JoAnn, I appreciate your reply very much!
I will discuss it with her doctor as you suggested. Nutritionist wants her to get at least 70 gm protein per day , on pureed diet and she lost about 10 lbs since October, which was expected.. The docs want her to drink eight 8oz glasses of water per day, I am lucky she drinks 30-32 oz. per day most days. She does like salt and sugar in her foods. I sweeten some of her foods with Stevia. You are right about the 2000 cal. diet. That is probably the reason why she gets too full easily. Great question for the doctor next visit. I am going to give her the treats often with Splenda. The advice I received from all of you has been so helpful to me and I am deeply grateful. Have a good night,, JoAnn.
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At 97, she should be able to eat whatever she wants (within reason).
Kinda seems like she doesn't want to be treated like a child.
I understand that you're just trying to do what's right for Mom, however, at 97 she doesn't have many years left. Let her indulge a little! You'll both be happier.
God bless!!
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earlybird Jul 2020
Hi xray,
Thank you for your reply, appreciate it. We are working on the child thing. Boy it is hard, though. I am certainly going to let her indulge and have some fun. We already planned a ice cream social at the end of the summer. Mom had a great big smile on her face. I can't wait myself!! Niece and I are learning to be more laid back with mom, better than being uptight about everything, that is for sure. Have a pleasant night.
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Earlybird, I'm curious - who has put your mother on a "strict 2000 calories" diet? And whatever for???

My two penn'orth - aside from nutrition, I think you have every right to make the point to your mother that allowing you to spend so much time and trouble on a meal, then decline it, then decide she wants a fudge bar instead are worthy of an overtired three year old. Where are her manners?

I hope you weren't cooking only for her, though? - and again, if a 97 year old wants to behave like said three year old... that's her choice. Just don't join in by treating her like one.
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